Tuesday, April 29, 2008 Y
若能夠握一把刀，我想我一定會將它插入體内，來麻醉現在的痛，因我再也承受不了多一次的打擊...All right, I know what I wrote above is depressing, but its the fact. I don't think I can withstand another damage, its too painful, its too depressing and its too horrible. Thanks to it, I did consider stabbing myself to numb myself. I had always thought that I would be strong to accept failures, but when it really happens, it really hurts and I almost gave up. It was heart breaking, really. First time was in Secondary Two. But the damage wasn't to that extent yet, just kept crying during lesson and recess. Come to Secondary Three, I cried, not in front of the class, but in front of a teacher. She was nice, she comforted me, and I was sort of glad, from her words, I am not beyond hope yet. Another teacher saw, didn't do anything, but asked whether am I all right the next day. It left me pondering, was I really the strong girl I was before, the girl immune to damage or what. I never cried when I got injured, I never cried in public. I only do that alone, in sleep. I know others will ask when I cry, and to avoid this, I tried my best to stop my tears, even when I am being criticized by my parents so badly. I scored well, but it was still not enough to satisfy you guys. Then I ask myself, what am I struggling so hard for. For your compliments? For my future? I felt really lost, and no one could guide me back. Life without an aim, its horrible. You will lose all your motivation, and you will lose all the willingness to study.
Today's English mock Examination was horrible. Think I will flung it, and suffer another damage. Didn't dare to face Mr Ong after the Examination, felt that I did him down. I think, I lost to myself, my own confidence...
Tomorrow will be another horrid day. Hope I can survive tomorrow.
If you were to examine my heart, you would be able to find lots of scars on it...
and I miss you already
8:16 PM
Macbook Pro(13 inch)
That Headset