Really feel like crying, but the tears that dropped, who will notice? Who will bother comforting me, let me pour my sorrows out? No one I believe, or maybe because I choose not to. Maybe I am really vulnerable, in heart. Don't dare to trust anyone anymore, not even my parents, so how could it be friends? Really. My parents just don't understand me, yet they understand my brother. Tell me, what kind of logic is this? But what can I do? Life's has been unfair but if I can endure it till now, why not continue. This way, I can train up myself, both emotionally and mentally. If you say you understand, why not tell me who is my most hated person till now. Hint, it is a 'she' not a 'he'. Dunno? Doubt you guys know. Sometimes I don't really know what I am doing, I don't understand yet I can do it. Its weird but its true. I didn't really pay attention to what teacher is talking about, yet I can do the question...isn't it weird? Sitting for a test yet I don't know what the paper is talking about yet I can pass...isn't it weird? I just scribbled crap, and I get correct. I don't understand it at all! I don't understand what u guys has been saying and asking! I don't understand why am I even in 4D1! My brain's really dead, I can't think properly! But what can I do? Seek help when everyone else is busy with their own stuff? I just wish I could end all these, really. You may think its weird for me to say all these...she behaves so happily and is doing well in school and yet is saying she is not...what a weird girl. But do you really thinks that deep in my heart, I really feel happy? I do not have a single stress? Think twice for you will never know what I am facing...

Sometimes, I myself don't know the reason, why do I have the urge to cry? Why? I asked myself. Is it because deep in my heart I feel terrible? Is it because deep in my heart I feel confused? Or maybe its caused by the stress I give myself? There could be thousands, or even millions of answer to my doubt, but none of it actually fits. I don't feel terrible, I know what I am doing, I don't give myself stress at all. I don't know what caused the urge, or maybe I chose to escape from reality. Sometimes, living in a fantasy place seems much better.

School's been tiring, life lectures do seems to help, but it makes me sleepy to attain other lessons. =X I want to help myself, I want to challenge myself, I want to succeed in life! It seems so difficult, so difficult...

Been very busy this few days, since I was kind of slacking during the weekdays. Now still doing my homework. Taking out some time to blog today, don't feel like neglecting my blog. Its sad, really. Pondering, wondering whether had it been a correct choice, to choose 8 subjects, to choose slacking, to choose run away. I don't know, really. Sometimes I left that I lost my path, my sight, my final destination. Its really hard, to continue. Problems can be expressed out by others, but my problems just can't leave my mouth, leave my brain, leave my heart. I can't forget. I just can't. I can't consult anyone, I can't open my mouth, or maybe, maybe is I chose not to. Not to accept the fact, not to accept how my life is destined to be. I chose to escape perhaps, I'm just a timid person who seems strong perhaps. Life is filled with uncertainty now, but one thing I know for sure, I am tired to strive on...

Lessons have been horrid. Don't really understand what the teacher is teaching, for listening to their lessons seems to make it more confusing, or maybe is because I chose to shut my head from all of it. I don't know what I can do, to help myself, and to continue my studies...

Its been a long time since my last post! Been busy due to the lessons and piles of homework issued by my teachers. Only now then I get to update my blog. Schooling had been the same before new year, not much of a difference except that ___________ is getting more and more lame. Its been so much better now, my thoughts and feelings. After sorting out myself, its really much better, really. Moving on, thinking of my future and stuff, it really helps me re-realize my aim in life, really. Got to do my homework now, and its been a great week...

First of all, a Happy Lunar New Year to everyone! Today's the third day and I can like finally use the computer! Kind of hungry now but mum is not home yet, so have to wait for her. Taking out some time to blog! =] Lots of unknown visitors this few days during new year? That's weird isn't it? One visitor actually came to my blog through ________ by searching ____________ ?? Now I learn my lessons, but I roughly knows who did that anyway. =] Tomorrow get to go friends house again! So glad, but this time round have to wear dress? I don't like. =x Today is a nice day and both Mr and Mrs Tey and kind people!!! =]

Yes! Tomorrow's Chinese New Year's Eve, hence school's half day! I am so happy about it! There will be a Reunion dinner tomorrow, and its been kind of long since I last saw some my cousins! [= So happy, but the teachers are bully! Giving us piles of homework today! I don't care! I am going to finish them all today and slack during Chinese New Year, but have to study on Next Tuesday since there's Chemistry test! I didn't forget all right? Reading Detective Conan manga now! I am seriously bored, but will do homework so don't fret. ^^ I love Chinese New Year, and I wan go Mrs Tey's house during New Year!!!! =]

I am so happy today, but Mathematics homework just piss me off. Not the textbook homework but its the weekend worksheets! I don't like WEEKEND WORKSHEETS! Finish all of it but not that. >=l And all the 5 colours of the puffy now! So happy =]

Tomorrow Mathematics Test, yet I still can't feel the significance of it. I can't even feel the pressure from all. Am I really numb or what, why can't I just have the mood to study, why can't I still really feel the importance of 'O' levels. People around me panic, when I should be the one who should panic. I felt glad, that I could get pissed off by homework, but I know partly is because of my reluctance in doing homework, or maybe I should ask for help, help in telling me the reasons why I am unwilling to study, why am I not having the pressure of tests or exams, even 'O' levels. But, who can I ask for help? No one really understands me, honest! For I don't even understand myself, so how can others possibly know me better then myself.

Back to struggling with my mind, a struggle that I think would last forever.

Valentine Day draws near, and others giving each other presents etc. My present can never be given out, for I can never get back in touch with him ever again. =] Was glad, for I had moved on, for the two of us can never be together, for I knew I hurt him, for ignoring him due to my friends. I never knew my feelings for him, until I graduated, until I can no longer see him any longer. Regretted, but what can I do? I can only move on with life. Hurt/heartbroken? Nope, for I can't feel any pain any more.

Taking out some time from my work to blog today, currently left with 'only' Mathematics, English and Chinese. English left with only the meaning of the words, Mathematics are the three weekend worksheets while Chinese is with three 小练笔. 小练笔 I think that I would do it another day, most likely tomorrow when I copied the third title but mostly likely would finish one today. Mathematics would be after English, which comprises about 60 words. I will finish all my homework by TUESDAY! [=

Tomorrow have a match, which causes me to miss my dear dear lessons with Miss Tans, a nice and interesting lesson with Mr Ong and a Lesson I am glad to miss, Character Education(CE) with Mr Kamal! [= Its boring for CE as its practically weird stuff teaching us. I have lots of doubts for Mathematics and Chemistry so Miss Tans, watch out for I will be coming for extra lessons! [= English, don't talk about it. Mr Ong's standard is too high, and I am way below of it. X= Must work hard due to 'O' Levels!

Returning my books tomorrow, sorry 姐姐, shouldn't have help you borrow it. Will hunt them back after Chinese New Year and let you read. Will try my best one. [=

By the way, I still haven't say this yet, New Year's approaching!!! I want 红包 all right?! As long as you read this post, you owe me one 红包. [= Just joking, but do give me one. *-*

I want the full set of puffy!!! Any kind soul can help me catch the pink and green one? I want them! Or you can go to the arcade with me and accompany me catch them. [=

Opps, too much time been spent on blogging, so have to you know, get back to my pile of homework. [= Till next time [=

The melody continued playing,
over and over again.
Tears continued flowing,
with her heart scarred again.

She wants to protect herself,
and thus creating another self.
Acting as a mask,
that mask up all her wounds.

Alone she walk,
with the rain as partner.
The water reflected her,
the girl that is filled with wounds.

Changed Skin, like this new one cause its simple. Feeling negative today, due to the pile of homework given to me. I know that its secondary four life, but stop giving us so much homework all right? We are also human, human that is easy to fall apart. Life may be successful due to all these stress, but too much can also cause negative results. Remember the news last year saying one 4D1 clementeen who committed suicide? Want to have one more the class? More stress and I will be the next one. =]

Life is full of ups and downs, where you will never know when will it be your glorious moments or the opposite. Facing life with everything that you have, living it until you have no regrets, for you will never know when will the god of death knocks on your door...

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Girl called Mitchelle.
Born in 18 Sept, she was once a clementeen and now a JJcian. Once ♥2B12006 and 4D12008! in CTSS and now `09S14 in JJ. She ♥Soft Toys, Games & Chocolates. She detests noise, hypocrites & lies. Contact her through her Email.
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