Thursday, January 31, 2008 Y
Why...why can't she just understand. Why must she make life difficult for me when I am already so damn stressed up? I know this isn't a time for me to blog, but I just want to cry, just want to find a place where I pour out my sorrows, but there isn't anyone around for me, just no one. Alone in the room, with four walls and music playing, with the toys lying on my bed, with the pile of books lying everywhere, there's no one for me to pour out my sorrow. No one, even before he went to army. Even though I had less problems when his around, but I am glad that his not around, at least when I sob in my bed, no one would knows. When I want to hurt myself, no one would stop me. I am really glad, but I can't handle it anymore. School, now I really wished that there's something for me to stay in there, at least I won't need to face her. Studies is not the one creating all the stress that I have, but its just her, her alone. Can't she just leave me alone, why must she keep pestering me? The moment I reach home, she talks non-stop. Non-stop. I don't know how to continue like this, smile? They are all fake, never real since Primary School. I know I look scary when I was in Secondary 1, but I tried to change, trying to adapt to a new lifestyle, but its too hard, too hard. Maybe I should just change back, change back to my old self. At least, I will be stronger that way, really, stronger in facing and coping the stress. Back to the black and white world, back to the silent world, back to the decisive world where only the strongest survive...maybe thats my only way of survival...
She started looking back,
tracing back.
The muddy path,
the teary path.
Her spilled blood,
dye it red.
Was it worth it,
for spilling the blood out,
she ponder
and wonder.
If she chose the other road when she reach the fork,
would it be worse,
or even curse
by the many others.
Or would it be better,
that help her survive easier.
She do not know the answer,
but hoped that it was the latter.
She stay rooted,
letting her tears sink
into the ground.
and I miss you already
4:52 PM
Macbook Pro(13 inch)
That Headset