Friday, January 25, 2008 Y
I will not be emo, so don't worry. I will not be sad, so don't worry. I will smile and face my life the way it is, so don't fret for me. I will not become a burden to anyone, so forget about me, forget the way I behaved, forget the way I cried, for I will 'forget' all the pains and torture all has once gave. To live and to forgive, that was be how I live for all these years, and that started in Primary School. I treat all these as my life exposures, so don't fret, I will live my life, in a very happy way. Even if I hate you, I will still treat you as a friend, I will still smile and talk to you, as if we have no hatred among us. You will never discover whether I hate, dislike, loathe, or even like you, since I will never show it out. People's attitude, I don't have, I wished I had it, then maybe, life would be much easy. Worrying about others whether will they be hurt by what I said, or my actions would result in, it has caused people around me to live easier but at the mean time, I suffer. But don't worry about me, I am all used to it, used to living in pain, used to suffer alone, cause it seems much better then causing so many other people to suffer with me. I will continue to be my cheerful self that you see when you see me in school, for nothing will change, only my heart will change, my feelings will change, but if there is one thing that will not change, it would be smiling towards others. I will smile towards everyone, even those that I really hate, for I decided to change.
As the 'O' levels draws close, I could feel the school pressure on us, I could feel the pressure that my brother left, I really could feel it, I just won't react. Don't ask me why, for I too don't know the reason. I just feel that its too stressing, so stressing that I do not wish to continue my struggle. I want to prove to others my existence, I really want to show them that I could be like him, but the difference in our IQ, is really too big. I need air, to survive, and to continue my life. I wish that I could start studying, or even have the motivation to study, but its just, not there. Maybe its because, I gave up, totally, for I can never beat him. I just wished that, before Chinese 'O' levels draws near, I will be willing to study, willing to strive for it, I hope that it will reach soon.
People hating each other, scolding each other, is getting more and more common in Secondary Four life. Maybe thats why our School is famous for friendship breakup? Thats what I heard but it may not be true. For I had seen examples that did not happened. They remained as friends, best friends after they graduated. So, lets smile and resolve every single hatred before we graduate! And thats why its one of my resolution this year. =]
Reply to Tags:
sara: ty and I hope that u are not...*hope 8]
beatrice: I will cheer up one so don't fret. =] u will not c me sad one coz it will affect others too =]
!Ruby: and 4D1 will burn until midnight! =] <3
and I miss you already
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